终于知道自己的实力不足 Finally, I Realized That My Abilities Were Insufficient.

I only studied English for a few years in junior high school, and at that time, I developed a strong interest in the language. In 1985, after graduating from junior high school, I was admitted to a secondary vocational school - a textile school. This was a reluctant choice at that time. All I thought about was getting admitted so that I could be assigned a job after grduation and receive state-provided food. As for what textile was, I knew nothing at all, nor did I know that there was a large state-owned cotton textile factory in the city, which was my future workplace after graduation.

After entering the secondary vocational school, I also took English classes for the first two years, with about one or two classes per week; in the last two years, I roughly learned half a semester of textile English courses. All of this could not satisfy my love for English. So I went to the Xinhua Bookstore in the city to buy English books, and there I met the magazine "The World of English ".

After graduation, I entered a textile factory and participated in the self-study examination for the English major because I knew that my vocational school diploma in knitting was far from enough and might be eliminated one day.

After obtaining the junior college, undergraduate diplomas and bachelor's degrees in English language from the self-study examination, I also took the second foreign language Japanese examination and obtained a bachelor's degree in literature.

At that time my girl was young, the enterprise was in decline, and I had no background at all. The only way for a rural child to change his fate was to study. Only knowledge could change his destiny. Years have passed, and now I have begun to read original English novels, such as "Wuthering Heights" and "1984". Only now do I realize where my English proficiency was lacking back then. Though I had achieved good scores in English translation theories or solved many reading comprehension exercises, I was still far from that English world, like crossing several mountains and rivers.

I was thinking, if a person had read 100 English novels, what would his English proficiency be like? When you fully enter the English world and enjoy this hustle and bustle, instead of thinking about how to become a graduate student in the English major, it means you have truly learned the essence of English and reached a certain level.

When you are solely focused on making a lot of money, it's difficult to make money; when you are solely focused on becoming a poet or writer, it's difficult to become a poet or writer. But when you lower your head, work hard in silence, and forget your goals, you will suddenly find that you have become a poet or writer or have a decent income, unexpectedly having achieved your goals. As the saying goes, " Mastery lies beyond poetry."

However, knowing one's shortcomings is itself a kind of progress.

我只在初中里学过几年英语，那时便有了对英语的强烈兴趣。1985年，我初中毕业后考上了一所中等专业学校——纺织学校，这在当时是一种无奈的选择。当时只想着被录取，然后就可以包分配，吃国库粮了。至于何为纺织，我一概不知，更不知本市里还有一家国营大型棉纺织厂，也就是自己毕业后的工作单位了。

进入了中专，前两年也上英语课，大约一周一两节课；后两年，大概学了半学期的纺织英语课程。所有这一切都不能满足我对英语的爱好，我便跑到市里的新华书店去买英语方面的书籍，而就在那里遇到了《英语世界》这本杂志。

毕业后进入了纺织厂，我便参加了高等教育自学考试英语专业的学习，因为我知道自己的针织专业的中专文凭是远远不够的，说不定哪一天就被淘汰了。

拿到自学考试英语专业专科、本科毕业证书后，我又参加二外日语的考试，拿到了文学学士学位。

孩子年幼，企业萧条，自己有没有任何背景，一个农村孩子唯一的出路就是读书，靠知识改变命运。离开这家企业的，要么只有考研究生，要么辞职，我只有选择考研。而我别无选择，只能选择考英语专业的研究生。

完全靠自学，只有中专毕业文凭，去报考难度几乎是排在前面的文学（英语言文学）专业，难度可想而知，可我竟是初生牛犊不怕虎。

尽管我的政治、二外日语曾一度考出65分、80分的好成绩，可我的英语专业课甚至竞不及格。无论自己再怎样努力，三次几乎都是一样的结果，最后我只好放弃了。

事情过去了好多年，我现在才开始阅读英文的原版小说，比如《呼啸山庄》、《1984》等。直到现在，我才意识到当年自己的英语实力到底差在哪里。不是阅读了多少英语翻译理论，不是做到了多少阅读理解习题，而是自己与那个英语世界还有这长长的距离，如同隔着几座山、几条河。

我在想，如果一个人阅读了100本英语小说，他的英语水平会是怎样呢？当你完全进入到了英语世界中，并且享受着这种忙碌，而不是想着如何考上英语专业的研究生时，说明你才真正学习到了英语的真谛，水平才达到了一定层次。

当你一心想着挣大钱，就很难挣到钱；当你一心想着当诗人、作家，你就很难成为诗人、作家，而当你俯下身子，默默努力，忘记了自己的目标，你会发现忽然有一天自己竟成了诗人、作家，有了不错的收入，也意外实现了自己的目标。正所谓，功夫在诗外。

不过，知道自己的不足，这本身就是一种进步。